It's Been 84 Years... What?

That's what I think, sometimes, when I realize it's been a while since I've last written in my blog. That popular one liner from Titanic, "It's been 84 years," says old aged Rose, remembering her time on the Titanic. It's only been 20 days, but still – it feels like a hell of a long time. 

There are times I feel like I don't have time to go back to my roots. Like, I don't have time to be creative or write down my thoughts because I'm more focused on relaxing than creating. That's a lame excuse, don't you think? But I do feel drained after a long day, even more after a long week. I do miss being able to read but I don't miss that lonely feeling of, "Okay. So now what do I do?" I hated that feeling. That feeling of uncertainty after pouring all of my energy into a project and having to think of what to create next. It is kind of nice to be able to sit on a thought for a few days and play it out in my head on how I want it to look. I have dreams of how I want something to turn out or what I want to create (draw, photograph – whatever, you know).

But – I do tend to feel like I'm floating. Like I'm spending so much energy in one place and ignoring another. But that's a lame excuse. Excuses! I have the time, I'm just not used to balancing it. It's different. But it's exciting. Hopefully, I can start my next few sentences without a "but" in the beginning of it. Whoops.

I think, sometimes, I'm too chicken to go out on my own and photograph. Not because I'm shy (even though I can be and I am), but because I'm just not inspired to all the time. Or because I want to share the experience with someone. Amazing how much has changed, but how it hasn't really! I do enjoy being alone. In fact, I love it that I'm alone writing this with Netflix on in the background. I'm a loner, but a loner who needs to refuel and think, be inspired to create, be alone in thoughts that will motivate me. I do find myself, though, wanting to do more people. Here's the issue: I have been such a loner that I think I may have isolated myself from people. It's not the worst thing in the world, but having people you can connect with while doing what you love is hard to find. Not everyone is going to be at the same place in life as you are and the sooner I've come to realize that, the better. Now I expect less. I don't know. I need to approach people differently. It is amazing, though, isn't it? How the older I get, the more I wish to share my thoughts and be with people.

Go spend time with people. Maybe they'll inspire you. Or maybe they'll inspire you to be alone (not, like, dark alone, but alone). Discovering what you like, on your own, can be a blessing. Just have to get used to the loneliness.

Man, what a bummer. Hopefully this isn't read that way.